random questions

1. the last person i sent a card to
my friend jill to thank her for being such a good friend

2. what i had for supper today
a bowl of lucky charms and a bowl of popcorn ( i told you i love carbs)

3. something i recently learned
that just because you put captain adventure to bed 9 or 32 times, and threaten with

everything you can think of, it doesn't mean that he is actually still in bed. in fact, he might be
in your bed drawing on your sheets and wall and alarm clock with a permanent black marker.
oh, he also might have squeezed all of your favorite lip gloss onto the carpet.

4. my favorite song right now
ben harper by my side, david cook now is the time ( i can't help it...he's too cute!)


5. what i'm wearing right now
hubby's t-shirt, lounging pants



6. the last phone call i made was

to my grandma to thank her for helping with our kids today.


7. the last restaurant i ate at was
a local seafood/fish place. i had escolar. hubby had amberjack. i liked his better. we shared.
it was our anniversary.


8. my favorite tv show
grey's anatomy. also big brother. and everybody loves raymond. ooh! and the golden girls.
i love the golden girls.

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ok, now if you feel like it, answer them and leave a link (or your answers) in the comments section

everyone has a story to tell...here's mine part 1

about half way through my freshman year in college, i started having what i later learned were panic attacks. at the time, i thought i was losing my mind (literally). i had never heard of panic attacks or anxiety...

imagine walking through a dark forest and hearing something behind you-- only to see a bear walking your way...you change course and walk faster, only to have the bear follow you...you are hyper-alert now...you start to run, the bear starts to run after you...your heart is pounding, you're breathing quickly (too quickly...you're hyperventilating by now)...you're running, but the bear is only steps behind you...you're sure you're going to die soon...heart pounding out of your chest, out of breath...
now, imagine feeling all of that without the bear being there. yeah, it kind of sucks. imagine feeling that way pretty much every day, all day long...not having any idea why you feel that way or what started it or what will stop it.

i started feeling pretty hopeless...stopped going to classes...eventually stopped leaving my room. i was sure it was my roommate...she and weren't getting along and that was stressful. she had what i considered to be an easy major and i was in the nursing program. she played. i didn't have time to. so, i moved into a single room.

that only made matters worse. i was completely isolated. i was in a new building with people i didn't know trying to figure out feelings that i didn't understand.

to be honest, i don't remember how long i lasted in the single room...a few days maybe...i can't remember. i was completely dysfunctional. i wasn't eating. i wasn't going to class. i wasn't passing the classes i wasn't going to. i wasn't leaving my room. i wasn't talking. it was bad. at that point, my mom figured out that i needed to be home. she drove the van down, we threw my crap in some boxes, and she drove me home.

during the months after i left school, i went to therapy and saw a psychiatrist who could prescribe what he thought was the right medicine. i started feeling better and went back to school at a regional campus for the spring semester. with the support of family and friends, i did well in school and life, and the next fall, i was back at my old campus.

i continued to have problems with anxiety and depression off and on during school. i took advantage of programs on campus...the student health center offered counseling (individual and group) and they had psychiatrists who could prescribe medicine. i muddled through and graduated from the school of nursing. looking back, i think that i literally muddled through...i did what i had to do to get by...in a different time, i could have done better. i wonder what i missed while i was treading water.

my heart is heavy

i don't even know where to start...

everyday my husband gets up and goes to a job where he treated like an easily traded commodity. he takes a disgusting amount of use and abuse by his new boss. he puts up with unfounded accusations. he tolerates his integrity and loyalty being questioned. he does these things because he has a wife and three kids and he loves us. to him, it's just that simple.

when i think of the past 4+ years and all of the personal sacrifices he and our family have made for this job, i am sad...and angry...and disgusted. because for all of his loyalty, all of the hours he puts in (80+/week), and all of the time he has sacrificed away from his family, he is repaid with despicable treatment.

my husband is a man of integrity. he is honest and forthright. he is loyal to a fault. and get this...he actually treats people how he would want to be treated. he is kind. he is genuine. if there's something he wouldn't say to a person's face, then he won't say it at all.

his blood sweat and tears have gone into that place...a place that repays him with personal attacks and slanderous statements. my heart is broken knowing what he goes through every day...not knowing if he'll still have a job at the end of each day. and it's too bad that the customers they serve are oblivious to what is going on. i wish they knew. if only they knew just how they were being bamboozled by the higher-ups, they'd be shocked. i hope that it all comes out someday. i'm sure it will. it always does.

emergency? i think not.

picture it...sicily...1921...

so, as you may or may not know, grandma jingly keys is living with us. (and when i say us, i mean my mom, dad, husband, 3 kids, and me.) before coming to live with us, she was living alone in an apartment and getting along just fine...cooking for herself, bathing herself, etc...

yesterday, everyone but grandma left the house. my parents were gone for a total of about 5 hours. hubby, the kids, and i were gone for what seemed like a week, but in reality was only about 7 1/2 hours. before we left, we made a list of everyone's cell numbers and the number of my other grandma who lives in town, grandma poo's dead. my mom then proceeded to tell her that these numbers were for emergencies and she and my dad would be back early in the afternoon. before they left, my mom even made her a sandwich, fruit, and a cup of soup and had it all ready in the fridge for GJK when she was ready for lunch. my mom asked GJK if she knew how to work the microwave to warm her soup, GJK replied yes. (i know, because i was there.)

ok...so several hours later, my mom called me and told me that in fact, grandma jingly keys did have an emergency. (my heart was in my throat at this point). mom said that GJK had to call grandma poo's dead because she needed her soup warmed up and couldn't figure out how to use the microwave. also, she was cold and wanted the fireplace on. (i'm sorry, what?! did i hear right? or did i just have a stroke?) i asked my mom if she sat down with GJK and explained that needing her soup warmed up and being cold did not qualify as emergencies. mom did, in fact, tell that to GJK...who said, "yes it was, i needed my soup".
really? her point of reference for emergencies is needing soup warmed up?

i don't even know what to say about this...except that i'm going to ride this one for a l-o-n-g time. in fact, i called grandma poo's dead this morning and said that i needed her to come over right away to put toothpaste on my toothbrush. i think she might have peed her pants she laughed so hard.

she's a safety girl-- (practically) wordless wednesday)

ok, so after approximately 13 minutes of being outside on bikes and scooters, there was an accident. little mother hen was riding too fast and took a spill. now, our rule is that they must always have their helmets on. other safety equipment is up to them...i can only argue so many times in a day, after all. so...she took a nasty spill scraping both knees and her hands...and that's when she decided to start wearing all available safety equipment at all times. sometimes she wears it when she's just chalking or kicking the ball. what a nut. she's pretty cool.

power shopping

this is an email that my friend sent me yesterday. she has some serious coupon skills. look at all she got!

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i know you all make fun of me for clipping coupons and being thrifty so i just had to show you what happened today. see the picture attached of all the stuff i got. all things i will be using in the next few months so i could not pass them up.....are you still gonna make fun of me or clip your own coupons? :)

total outta pocket $39.63; total saved $99.74

2 jugs of tide h.e. laundry det.
1 jug of simple pleasures fabric softner
4 tubes colgate toothpaste
2 tubes aquafresh toothpaste
2 neutrogena shampoos
2 dawn detergent
2-30ct. trash bags
1-100 box lipton ice tea
2 boxes of cereal
3 carton of pop
3 things of pads
3 boxes of allergy med
1 mothers day card
2 starburst candy
1 box tlc crackers

(nearly) wordless wednesday

this is captain adventure. do i really need to say anything else? he has such amazing energy. he makes me giggle...i really enjoy his company. he truly is a neat kid. i wish i could be inside his head sometimes...i'd like to be there so i could understand why he does the things he does...like peeing on his bedroom floor instead of the in the toilet, or throwing rocks on poppy's roof, or standing in the bathroom sink, or spraying enough room spray in the bathroom that the floor is so wet that i have to get a bath towel to dry it...i just don't get it. he has been having a hard time lately...not sure why. i hope i can figure it out...i want him to enjoy life without causing such a ruckus with his shenanigans. he has such a cool personality. i don't want to crush his little spirit, but something has got to change.

no mushy brains for us, thanks.

we've been having a number of conversations about possible summer activities. i have never been one to "overschedule" our kids...mostly because then, i'd be overscheduling myself, since i am their taxi and chaperone. we've always done little things like the library reading program, swimming lessons, and of corse play dates with friends. however, we've been reconsidering our position on summertime activities. due to captain adventure's recent and increasingly prevalent shenanigans,we've decided to look for some things that he and his sister could be involved in. here's what we have so far...

little mother hen is already going to reading camp for 4 weeks. captain adventure is now going to 6 1-week sessions of camp at his school. they are both taking swimming lessons. LMH wants to take gymnastics (like her mother did when she was a girl, by the way.), and a 2 day martial arts class. captain adventure wants to play t-ball.

so, it looks like we're going to have a busier summer than i planned. that's ok. with the chaos in our house right now, i think this is a good idea. they need a little more structure than we have right now...and they need more of a schedule than we have right now. truth be told, their brains turn do mush every summer if i'm not providing constant brain stimulation (kind of like mine did when i quit work). right now just isn't a good time for me to be consistent with that. there's too much craziness around here. i know that we're definitely going to be busy and it certainly won't be a summer of laying around, but that's ok. we may end up regretting our decision to do so many activities. i doubt it though. i guess we'll see.

the wait is over

well, grandma jingly keys has officially moved in. things are going as well as can be expected so far. we're all going to have to adjust to 1. another person and 2. another person who has different needs than the rest of us. of course, captain adventure had adjusted himself right into gram's lap at 5:00 this morning. he came downstairs wearing nothing but a pull-up and said, "i so cold gamma jingly keys". so, she opened up her blanket and invited him in...he willingly accepted her offer. that's where mom found them when she came down at 6.

i hope gram doesn't mind that her every move is going to be watched and shared by 3 little ones. i think it's pretty cool.

"the gift of worship"

i recently stumbled upon this on another blog , thepaynechatelaine, and it really spoke to how i have been feeling for a very long time. i have not been a regular attendee of church in quite a while. i could spend from now until a week from next friday talking about all of the reasons why i don't go to church, but i won't because they don't matter. while i was watching this video, i realized that all of my reasons weren't important because i was making a choice. i was making a choice to let all of my hang-ups get in the way of me worshiping. the songs, the ritualistic behaviors, the robotic feelings...none of that matters. what matters is what i do to worship God. what matters is what i feel in my heart about the Person that i am worshiping. it doesn't matter what i think about the songs or the way the message is presented. i need to stop being focused on how i feel during and after church and focus on worshiping and praising my loving God.

i have been very upset with myself for a long time because i believe it is my responsibility as a parent to provide our children with a place to worship...to teach them about God...to teach them how to pray and be good role models in the church family. we have always taught them about God...we read the Bible and Bible stories together, they went/go to a church-based preschool, they are all baptized, and once-in-a-while we take them to church. i want to get them and myself involved in our church again. this past weekend our baby was baptized...he's 15 months old a that was the first time he has ever been to church. that's a problem to me. i want to break the cycle. i need to get my head right and make a better choice.

bedtime shenanigans take 2

me: (standing in the bathroom waiting for captain adventure to come take a bath) CA, please come here and go potty.

CA: i alweddy did.

me: um, where did you go potty? i'm in the bathroom and you haven't been in here.

CA: (silence)

me: CA? is there a problem?

CA: i go potty in my room.

me: where?

CA: behind the door.

(this conversation was followed by yet another conversation about where big boys do and do not go pee pee.)


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and since i have your attention, here's another captain adventure story...

little mother hen: mahm! come quick! CA is being unsafe!

me: (running up stairs) what's wrong?!

LMH: CA was standing in the sink.

me: (i'm sorry, what?!) CA! were you standing in the sink?

CA: (big wide eyes) yes mama.

me: (l-o-n-g lecture about being safe, the need for CA to stop acting like a monkey/animal and start acting like a little boy, etc...)

seriously?! i can't believe the things he does. i don't even know what to say sometimes. other people who i tell stories about CA to tell me that boys are just like this. you have got to be kidding me. they really have no common sense. i just don't get it.