i recently stumbled upon this on another blog , thepaynechatelaine, and it really spoke to how i have been feeling for a very long time. i have not been a regular attendee of church in quite a while. i could spend from now until a week from next friday talking about all of the reasons why i don't go to church, but i won't because they don't matter. while i was watching this video, i realized that all of my reasons weren't important because i was making a choice. i was making a choice to let all of my hang-ups get in the way of me worshiping. the songs, the ritualistic behaviors, the robotic feelings...none of that matters. what matters is what i do to worship God. what matters is what i feel in my heart about the Person that i am worshiping. it doesn't matter what i think about the songs or the way the message is presented. i need to stop being focused on how i feel during and after church and focus on worshiping and praising my loving God.
i have been very upset with myself for a long time because i believe it is my responsibility as a parent to provide our children with a place to worship...to teach them about God...to teach them how to pray and be good role models in the church family. we have always taught them about God...we read the Bible and Bible stories together, they went/go to a church-based preschool, they are all baptized, and once-in-a-while we take them to church. i want to get them and myself involved in our church again. this past weekend our baby was baptized...he's 15 months old a that was the first time he has ever been to church. that's a problem to me. i want to break the cycle. i need to get my head right and make a better choice.